She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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