You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
