I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is classic penis vs brain.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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