k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize