I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
