They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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