the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
