i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
