guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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