i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
dude. I can hear the air.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
