it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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