yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
