I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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