i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
