She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
