She tied me up with her honor cords...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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