So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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