When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
