Swine flu. Run for my life!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
