He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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