Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
