The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Randomize
