sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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