i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
