So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
