So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
