So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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