my mouth tastes like poor choices
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
