Your face is a jimmy john
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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