Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
