he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
