so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
