I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
