look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
