The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
