i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
