How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
