Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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