Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
