so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
