Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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