I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
