I wanna passion pit in your ass
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
