i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
