Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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