no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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