Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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