maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
