you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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