the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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