soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you will always have a special place in my vag
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
