I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
