Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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