I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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