I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
