Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize