yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When are your genitals available?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
