I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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