I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize