I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
