Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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