i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
