I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize