Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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