Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize