My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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