imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
