you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
