I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
