So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
