So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lo siento on account of my penis...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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