if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im holly from the hills drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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