I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
